As the River Flows
by tmtcltb
Summary: Andrea Garnett reflects on her life three years after the Nathan James arrives in St. Louis. Also featuring Tex and Kat Nolan.
1. Chapter 1

_Three Years after the Nathan James' Arrival in St. Louis_

Andrea Garnett stood gazing out at the slowly moving water of the Mississippi River. When President Michener had chosen St. Louis as the new capital of the United States and home base for the Nathan James, Andrea had declined his offer of a recently renovated house downtown where Captain Chandler and Commander Slattery had settled. Instead she had chosen this bungalow, which sat on a buff overlooking the water. But it was the secluded location, rather than the view of the passing boats, that had been the selling point for this particular house.

A place where she could be alone with her thoughts.

A place where nobody would care if her vision was obscured by tears.

A place where she didn't run into families, into children, every time she turned around.

 _A place where everything around her didn't make her think of Lily._

Andrea's lip curled into a wry smile. While her intent when choosing this house might have been to isolate herself, it hadn't worked out quite as planned. Within weeks of moving in, Tex had approached Andrea with a problem of his own. As the recently selected head of the President's security detail, Tex was expected to escort President Michener around the country, as he meet with local officials and began the process of rebuilding. But that meant being away from Kat for days at a time, and Tex was unwilling to leave the teenager alone overnight after what had happened to Claire. Given Doctor Scott's recent shooting and the length of her anticipated recovery, the Chandler home hadn't been an option, and Kara had her hands full preparing for a newborn. With the Nathan James in dry dock for at least four months for repairs, Andrea had been the next logical choice.

So Kat had taken up residence at the bungalow and as the weeks and then months had passed, without any conscious decision, what had begun as a short-term arrangement had become permanent, with Kat firmly entrenched into Andrea's second bedroom and Tex sleeping on the couch more often than not (despite having his own apartment downtown). And it had worked. Neither one of her new roommates said anything if Andrea spent an entire day silently staring at the water, just like Andrea and Kat never commented on Tex's somewhat disgusting habit of smoking cigars on the deck when he couldn't sleep, and both Tex and Andrea pretended not to know about the journal that Kat wrote in every night and then hid under her mattress. Without discussing it, they had given each other the space they needed to grieve and, as the days rolled by, Andrea had actually found herself looking forward to quitting time, to going home, to sitting down to dinner with Kat and Tex, to hearing about their days. By the time the Nathan James shipped out, following months of repair in dry dock, it had seemed silly for Tex and Kat to relocate because Andrea was deploying.

So they had stayed, and three years had flown by. And while Andrea never deluded herself into thinking that she could replace Claire in Kat's life, she had soon become more than a little attached to the teen – taking her shopping and helping her with her homework and proudly watching when Kat graduated as the valedictorian of St. Louis High, with a full scholarship to the newly reopened Harvard University.

But now everything was changing.

Andrea sucked in a deep breath, releasing it slowly, her hands clenching the deck railing. When the possibility had first occurred to her, she had dismissed it as a flight of fancy. She was forty-three after all, and Lily's conception had been the result of years of effort. But somehow, despite the unlikeliness and her age and the unsettled nature of the world around her, the impossible had happened.

She was pregnant.

 _And her first reaction had been pure terror._

How could she bring a second child into this world after so completely failed her first? How could she possibly go through the emotional highs and lows of raising a child knowing, as she did so very clearly now, all of the risks involved? How could she start over when she was still grieving all that she had lost?

And yet, behind the terror there had been a tiny seed of hope, of joy, of belief that this time it would be different. The months had passed, and that hope had cautiously grown until Andrea finally began to believe that she might be given another chance. Another chance to be a mother. Another chance to cradle a baby to her breast. Another chance to tuck a toddler into bed with a silly song. Another chance to teach a six-year old to ride a bike. Another chance to drop a ten-year old off at a first sleepover.

And maybe a first chance to watch a child grow to adulthood, to find a partner, to have children of her own.

It was that pearl of hope that Andrea clung to on days like today. Days when the past overwhelmed her. When she woke up almost believing that the last three years were a terrible nightmare, when she could almost hear Bill snoring and Lily starting to stir just down the hall.

Tears trickled down Andrea's face as she placed a hand her bulging stomach, taking comfort in the child's movement, confirmation her that this child had not been snatched away from her as Lily had been.

A soft footstep alerted Andrea to his presence, and she smiled despite her tears, knowing that he had done it deliberately so as not to startle her, perfectly capable of moving silently when he chose. Turning, she took the steaming cup of herbal tea that he passed her, his eyes full of concern – and understanding.

"You doing okay?"

"Just thinking." Andrea took a sip of her tea. "Are you really ready to do this again?"

The corner of Tex's eyes crinkled as he took a gulp of his coffee. "Never been readier."


	2. Chapter 2

A boy.

Funny how they all assumed it would be a girl. He. Andrea. Kat. Even Rachel and Kara. Everyone had treated it as a done deal. Heck, half the clothes in the nursery were pink!

"I guess that Julia isn't going to work after all," Tex murmured, recalling the many hours he and Andrea spent discussing names. Girl names anyway. Boy names never came up.

Tex shifted the sleeping child closer to his chest, watching as the infant fought one hand free of the swaddled blanket. After eighteen years, Tex had forgotten how small newborn babies were, how soft their skin felt, what their sweet sighs sounded like. Tiny fingers tangled in his beard and Tex gently removed them.

"None of that little man," he crooned. "Your mama is not going to be happy if you start yanking on her hair."

Tex glanced across the room towards the figure buried under a mountain of blankets. The twenty-three hour labor had taken its toll on Andrea, both physically and emotionally, as the experience of bringing a new child into this world reminded her, only too starkly, of the child she had lost. Of the life she had lost. Of Bill. Of Lily. As she held her newborn son for the first time, Andrea shed tears of joy, but also tears of sorrow for the little girl her brother would never meet.

Tex understood Andrea's turmoil because he too found his mind wandering as he watched Kat fawn over her brother, a sight that Claire would never see, remembering himself and Claire back in the day, young and stupid and clueless about the world, no inkling of the hurt and sorrow awaiting them.

So Tex was not surprised when, only an hour after their little boy arrived and stunned everyone in the room by _not_ being a girl, Andrea was on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion. Any hesitations Tex might have had about kicking Kat and Kara out vanished when Andrea's eyelids began sliding closed.

As Tex considered her sleeping form, he wondered at the twists and turns that had brought them to this point.

It wasn't love at first sight, that was for sure. During his time on the Nathan James Tex had been far too enamored with Rachel Scott to look twice at the red head who ran engineering. Tex shook his head ruefully as he looked down at his son, amused, in retrospect, by his futile pursuit of the Doc and thankful for the friendship he had hashed out with Rachel and Tom - the only man on the Nathan James she ever had eyes for.

"Life lesson number 1, son. What I know about women couldn't fill a shot glass."

After making sure he hadn't woken Andrea, Tex leaned back in his chair, his mind returning to the days just after the Nathan James arrived in St. Louis. His original request to Andrea was a simple one, to keep an eye on Kat when he was travelling with President Michener until he could figure out another arrangement, and Tex knew that Andrea agreed only because there was really nowhere else for the young girl to go. But it had worked, the three of them so easily falling into a routine that the temporary nature of the plan became forgotten.

It was only when Andrea shipped out for the first time that Tex realized all that he had gained so accidentally. Someone to talk to at the end of a long day. Someone to share the joys and burdens of parenting a teenage girl. Someone to cheer with him at Kat's soccer games. Someone to leave the light on for him.

 _A home._

 _A family._

 _Someone to love._

 _Someone to love him._

It hadn't happened like it had with Claire, an instant attraction leading to a quickie wedding and Kat's arrival only a year later. Not even like with the Doc, who Tex immediately admired for her intellect and tenacity. With Andrea, she seeped into his life so slowly and quietly that, by the time he noticed it, he was already caught. He could no longer imagine life without her.

It might have taken Tex an embarrassingly long time to figure out what was right before him, but once he did figure it out, there had been no derailing him from his goal. From the moment the Nathan James returned from Asia, Tex had one mission - convince Andrea Garnett that he was the man for her. Even as he wooed and cajoled and sweet-talked Andrea in an effort to convince her to take a chance on him, though, Tex never imagined it leading to a second shot at fatherhood.

But no matter how much ribbing he took from Burk and Green over the issue – as if Danny could talk, given that Kara was expecting their third and Tex was pretty sure not a one was planned – Tex didn't have any doubt or hesitation about starting over. From the moment Andrea confessed her suspicion, her fears obvious, Tex had embraced the role, determined not to repeat his prior mistakes.

"Life lesson number 2. You and your sister are the best things that ever happened to me."

Tex smiled as the bed rustled. "You snort when you sleep, you know," he noted conversationally.

"How did you know I was awake?" Andrea asked, her bright blue eyes capturing his before flickering down to the infant he held. "Did he sleep the entire time?"

Tex didn't answer, instead standing to pass Andrea the baby, who he suspected would soon be ready to eat again. "What do think about Liam?"

"Liam?"

"For the kid. It's a version of William."

Andrea took a moment to settle the infant in her arms. When she looked up, tears glimmered in her eyes. "Liam Nolan. I like it."

"Or Liam Garnett-Nolan," Tex offered.

"That's very progressive for an old man," Andrea teased. "I think Liam Nolan is enough. Bill would be honored."

"Any chance that I can convince you to switch to Nolan as well?" Tex asked, not quite meeting Andrea's gaze. As the silence stretched, Tex finally glanced up to see Andrea sitting there with a bemused expression. "Thought it might be nice if we all matched. You, me, Kat and Liam."

A slow smile spread across Andrea's face. "Andrea Nolan. I think I like the sound of that too."


	3. Chapter 3

_Five Years Later_

"Where's Mommy?"

Twenty-four year old Kat Nolan jumped, shoving her book – a Laura Kinsdale novel borrowed from Rachel earlier that afternoon – under the couch cushion before five-year-old Liam could see the rather risqué cover. Not that Liam was completely unaware of what happened between consenting adults. Tex was in the doghouse for weeks after the time Liam wandered into the kitchen and smacked Andrea on the butt with a casual ' _Nice ass, Red_.'

"What are you doing out of bed this late?" Kat asked in her best no-nonsense voice. Not that it ever worked. Liam was far too used to his mother's straight-forward manner to be deterred by a stern tone.

Despite being tall enough to ride almost every ride at Disney World – according to Tex, Liam's childhood would have been permanently scarred were he to miss the grand re-opening four months ago – Liam's lower lip quivered as he moved towards his sister, one hand clutching at the worn blue rocket blanket that he had owned since birth. "My room is spooky. I need Mommy to lay down with me."

Kat's resolve to be firm melted as, without prompting, Liam crawled onto her lap. "Mommy and Daddy went out tonight, remember?"

"Because it's Lily's birthday," Liam responded. "Lily's my sister too, but she's dead. That's why we didn't have birthday cake."

A lump formed in Kat's throat at Liam's nonchalant – but not heartless – comment. In the post-pandemic world, growing up without sisters or brothers or mothers or fathers was the norm. Rather than being a scary and unfamiliar event, death was now part of the daily parlance. She smoothed the boy's unruly auburn locks away from his eyes. "I know."

Liam frowned, his little face scrunching up in exactly the same way Tex's face did when he was puzzling on something. "Lily wasn't your sister, though."

Kat took a deep breath, unprepared for the line of questioning. "Lily would have been my step-sister."

"But you and Daddy never met her," Liam pressed.

"No," Kat admitted. It was a jarring realization. After eight years of living with Andrea, of seeing pictures and hearing stories, Kat knew more about Lily than she did about many of her friends. And yet, they had never met.

"Mommy is the only one who met Lily," Liam stated. "I asked Mommy if we could go to heaven to see Lily but she said no."

Kat froze, her heart breaking as she imaged how much pain Liam's innocent words must have caused his mother. To the world at large, Andrea Nolan née Garnett might have moved on with a new husband, a new child, and a new home, but the reality was not that simple. Lily's pictures might have been shifted to the side to make room for photographs of Liam and Kat, her journals and drawings might have been boxed to make space for Kat's diplomas and Liam's schoolwork, Andrea might even have sold the house in Norfolk where she lived for more than fifteen years as is, without returning to clear out the personal items – but Kat knew that not a single day went by where Andrea didn't think about and mourn the loss of her daughter.

 _It was obvious in the way Andrea's eyes followed Liam around the playground, as though terrified that he would simply disappear._

 _It was obvious in the way that Andrea hesitated just slightly when asked how many children she had, alternating between one and two and three._

 _It was obvious from the times that Andrea would sit, late at night, with an unopened photo album on her lap._

And perhaps most noticeable, it was obvious from the fact that Andrea was spending the evening at a dive bar containing a mechanical bull, after making the rookie mistake of allowing her husband to plan the day's activities.

"Mommy says that you have to be really old to go to heaven now. Older than Daddy and Daddy is _really_ old. He's even older than Uncle Tom. Frankie said so," Liam replied, eight-year-old Frankie Green being the highest of authorities on all issues as far as Liam was concerned.

That drew a chuckle from Kat. "Dad is pretty old. But don't tell him I said so. He'll get all grumpy."

"I missed you when you were in Boston, Kat. I'm glad you're home," Liam said sleepily, his head dropping down to rest on his sister's shoulder, his thumb creeping towards his mouth despite Andrea's best efforts to break the habit.

"I missed you too, buddy."

Within minutes the boy was asleep, his soft weight anchoring Kat to the couch. Shifting into a more comfortable position, Kat's gaze fell on the mantle, and the picture prominently displayed in the middle. It was a picture of the four of them – Kat, Liam, Andrea and Tex – at Kat's most recent graduation ceremony.

It had been a good day, with Kat receiving her master's degree in molecular biology after close to six years away from St. Louis. Kat was in her gown and cap in the picture, holding Liam in her arms while Tex and Andrea stood on either side, all of them smiling brightly at the camera. In the picture, they looked like a happy family celebrating – but there was so much that the camera didn't catch.

 _The picture didn't show how Tex pulled Kat aside just after the ceremony to dry her tears, the ones that always came when she thought, as she inevitably did, about her mother; reminding her again how proud Claire would be that Kat had continued her schooling, graduating top of her class from college and graduate school, and landing a job at the CDC._

 _The picture didn't reveal how, under his fancy jacket, Tex was carrying not one but two loaded guns, unwilling to trust the school security with his family's safety._

 _The picture didn't disclose that the mother's ring Andrea wore on her right hand, the one wrapped so lovingly around Kat's shoulders, held an emerald and a sapphire for Lily and Liam, rather than a ruby for Kat._

And yet, the picture didn't lie. Unlike many of her friends, Kat never struggled with the idea of a step-mother, partially because her parents split well before the virus hit and partially because Andrea fit so naturally into Tex and Kat's lives that, for Kat at least, the change from Tex sleeping on the couch to sleeping in the other bedroom was really no change at all. The unexpected addition of Liam five years ago, followed shortly thereafter by a wedding ceremony, had merely formalized a relationship that already existed.

Whether by choice or default or destiny or random circumstances, the four of them looked like a happy family celebrating because they _were_ a happy family celebrating, even if that celebration was somewhat dimmer than it might otherwise have been.

The front door opened quietly, signaling Andrea and Tex's return. Kat glanced up, pretending not to notice Andrea's puffy, red eyes as she and Tex stepped into the room, Tex cradling his right arm to his side. "I take it that the bull won?"

Andrea shook her head ruefully. "Your father thought it would be a good idea to challenge Diaz to a little friendly arm-wrestling. Never mind that the kid is thirty years younger than he is."

"Ray was at the Hangout?" Kat asked, frowning. Not that Ray needed her permission to go out – Kat prided herself on not being a clingy girlfriend – but last she heard Ray was planning to spend the night home plowing his way through _The Art of War_ , having been tipped off that Danny was planning a "surprise" test in the morning, one which would determine how many of the recruits would be admitted to his advanced tactical training program.

"Along with half of St. Louis," Andrea explained. "Apparently _someone_ was bragging about how long he could stay on a bucking bull."

"I would have won, too, if O'Connor didn't throw his name into the hat," Tex lamented. "That guy is a slippery little sucker."

"Who won the pot?" Kat asked shrewdly.

"I did, of course," Andrea said smartly, before gesturing to the child on Kat's lap. "Did you have trouble getting him to sleep?"

Kat considered the weariness, more emotionally than physical, etched across Andrea's face. "No, he just missed his mama."

Andrea's mouth curled into a slight smile. "I missed him too. Don't think you are getting away without giving me a full update on the new job _and_ on the boy, by the way. I expect a full report over breakfast."

"Yes, ma'am," Kat replied, tossing an amused glance at her father. Andrea was always far more bark than bite.

As Andrea began to lift Liam, his eyes fluttered open for the briefest of seconds before he settled into her arms with a deep sigh. "Hi Mommy. I love you."

Tears sparkled in Andrea's eyes as she turned towards Liam's bedroom. "I love you too, little boy. I love you too."

Tex waited until Andrea disappeared into the other room to gesture towards the sliding door that led to the patio. Once they were outside, Tex settled himself on the couch next to Kat, throwing his purportedly hurt arm around her shoulders to give her a squeeze. "Thank you for watching him tonight, darling. She needed the distraction."

Kat laid her head on Tex's shoulder, quietly listening to the murmur of the river and the soft sound of Andrea singing Liam back to sleep. "Anytime Dad, anytime."


End file.
